Wednesday 29 April 2009

Never met a nice Liverpudlian?

Someone on the F365 forum suggested that they'd never met a nice Liverpool fan, which triggered me into spending far too long in adapting the old Spitting Image B-side

I've travelled this whole world of ours from Barnsley to Luton
I've had sunstroke up in Sunderland and Flu down in Brighton
I've seen Drogba being tackled when he didn't take a fall
And I've seen John O'Shea and Peter Kay at the same time in the hall
I've agreed with Andy Gray
And seen Rosicky play
But I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising man
Cause they're a bunch of arrogant b*stards
With no black players

I once got served at half time after less than four weeks' wait
I've seen Cristiano Ronaldo once say he wasn't great
I've seen an English player on the line up for Arsenal
I've heard Shearer make a comment that was not completely dull
I've seen Paul Scholes' ballsack
And a fairly modest Ballack
But I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No, he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising, man
'Cos they're a bunch of talentless hoofers
Run by a fat man.

I once heard a footballer say he's getting too much pay
I've seen Sir Alex Ferguson speaking on Match of the Day
I've seen an Italian team winning without a bung
I've even heard a decent song that footballers have sung
I've seen Harry Redknapp
Once shut his trap
But I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No, he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising, man
'Cos they're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
Who think it's their season.

I've seen a tackle by Chris Morgan when he didn't play the man
I met Phil Brown the Hull gaffer before he got a tan
I've been at a game at Ewood Park without a card on show
I've even seen Stoke City play without Delap's long throw
I've been to an England game
But never will again
And I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No, he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising, man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Kirsty Gallacher
And that's because she's got tits.

Yes, she's quite a nice Liverpudlian
And she's hardly ever upset anyone
And she's not smelly at all
That's why she's started going to Fulham.

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