Sunday, 28 June 2009

The not very eagerly awaited Season Review 2008/9

Now the dust has settled, here is the prestigious 3pm Cottagers review of the season. I expect Woy to study it and make the requisite improvements to the squad forthwith.

Elliot Ness 'Untouchable' award: A tricky old category given the success of the team this year. Early plaudits justifiably went to Brede Hangeland, but after earmarking him as 'least favourite player' I'm not about to do a total about face and make myself look like a pillock. Plus I think that Hangeland is more dependent on Aaron Hughes than we realise, with the pair of them developing an incredible partnership.
Danny Murphy has also been earmarked as a key player this year, especially since Jimmy Bullard's departure, but I'm afraid I can't really discern what he does in the centre of the park. He pulls the strings so imperceptibly to me, I can't actually give him the credit he probably deserves. Ish said he would give it to Dickson Etuhu, but considering he only played half a season, I think that would be unfair.
Anyway, my choice is Clint Dempsey. This is partly because he plays in the combative way I can relate to and would play myself if I was any good. It is also partly for the way he has forced himself into the starting 11 of a Woy Hodgson team - something no other player managed. It is also partly for the last minute equaliser against Chelsea, which is apparently the only headed goal in the league for Fulham this season.
Honourable mention: Mark Schwarzer

Frank Spencer Award: I'm afraid this has to go to Booby, sorry, Bobby Zamora. After a decent first half of the season, albeit with very little goal return, something snapped in Bobby Z's psyche. Bizarrely it seemed to happen just after he scored in the FA Cup. The league match against Pompey saw Bobby in plenty of great attacking positions yet make the wrong decision every single time. In fact once, when clean through, he didn't make any decision at all and seemed to just wait to be tackled. When he was eventually hauled off, Erik Nevland put his perfomance into stark contrast by calmly scoring twice.
While Zamora had the odd good game after this match, his performance against Man United in the league paved the way for a famous victory, he is not a fan favourite. Scoring a tap in against West Brom and celebrating by shouting at fans in the Hammy End reflects an unusual fragility of ego for a Premier League footballer.
Honourable mention: Paul Konchesky - far too many important, late goals came from players PK was supposed to be marking

Better than sex award: Most Fulham fans would cite Zoltan Gera's acrobatic second against Man United I wouldn't for two reasons - 1) I am essentially a Man United fan with a Fulham season ticket and 2) I would have won over £100 had the match ended 1-0.
As mentioned above, Dempsey's equaliser against Chelsea in a match where Fulham had been out-played and yet pulled it back in the last minute was a dramatic highlight in a season littered with last minute concessions.
Honourable mention: Alright - Zoltan Gera against Man United

Sign him up award: Well there's two players that in my mind stood out like a sore thumb, the FA Cup version of Wayne Rooney aside, Sunderland's Kieran Richardson and Blackburn's Stephen Warnock. Warnock's running duel with Schwarzer (in which the keeper was successful) was an enthralling display, but the fact that Rovers won left a sour taste. So Richardson, who let's not forget hit a free kick that hit the post THREE times at the Cottage, is the surprise recipient of the award.
Honourable mention: Steven Pienarr, Everton

Captain Hook pantomime villain award: The league game against Man United saw the absolute worst side of Cristiano Ronaldo. Diving and complaining and whinging and fouling. The man now worth £80m didn't even play well. In fact he was so bad that even the referee took the piss out of him. By far his worst game of the season.
Honourable mention: Mark Riley

Single malt award for biggest indulgence: It's got to be Johnny Paintsil. Although he gradually improved as the season went on, he is clearly mental and hasn't lost that erratic part of his game. In one of the last matches of the season, Johnny performed an unnecessary overhead kick clearance and diving header clearance. Yet from his much copied pre-game prayers to his much appreciated post game lap of thanks, we think Paintsil is brilliant.
Honourable mention: FFC

3 comments:

Liam said...

You're a fucking idiot.

I'd love it if you stopped coming to Fulham games as going by your review you're a moron. We don't need your sort down here. A United fan living in London. How shocking.

I genuinely hope you get run down by a bus.

Goodday.

Peyton said...

Why would a Man United fan have a Fulham season ticket? Surely it takes ages for you to travel down from Manchester to SW6 for games? Or are you simply one of the typical glory hunting armchair sitting teletext watching Man U fans who live in Surrey?

For your information a supporter watches their team. A follower watches their results of TV.

Who are you going to wink over now Ronaldiver has gone, Nani?

Sorry but as soon as you mentioned your deviant preferences your review became valueless.

Bad Andy said...

I think that's what's called a flaming!

Boys if you'd have bothered to read the site at all, I'm pretty up front where my allegiances lie and why. I am a Mancunian, ex-OT season ticket holder now living in Hammersmith.

This is website taking a look at Fulham from a 'tourist's' point of view. It should provide an education on how other people view your team. You should be at least mildly interested in that for the financial health of your club - have you ever wondered what that Neutral End was for?

If either of you were to ever leave your parents' cloying bosom and go and live elsewhere in the country, or even the world, what would you do? Personally I would watch a local team playing at the highest level for a knock down price.

Good day to you both

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