Never met a nice Liverpudlian?

Someone on the F365 forum suggested that they'd never met a nice Liverpool fan, which triggered me into spending far too long in adapting the old Spitting Image B-side

I've travelled this whole world of ours from Barnsley to Luton
I've had sunstroke up in Sunderland and Flu down in Brighton
I've seen Drogba being tackled when he didn't take a fall
And I've seen John O'Shea and Peter Kay at the same time in the hall
I've agreed with Andy Gray
And seen Rosicky play
But I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising man
Cause they're a bunch of arrogant b*stards
With no black players

I once got served at half time after less than four weeks' wait
I've seen Cristiano Ronaldo once say he wasn't great
I've seen an English player on the line up for Arsenal
I've heard Shearer make a comment that was not completely dull
I've seen Paul Scholes' ballsack
And a fairly modest Ballack
But I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No, he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising, man
'Cos they're a bunch of talentless hoofers
Run by a fat man.

I once heard a footballer say he's getting too much pay
I've seen Sir Alex Ferguson speaking on Match of the Day
I've seen an Italian team winning without a bung
I've even heard a decent song that footballers have sung
I've seen Harry Redknapp
Once shut his trap
But I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No, he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising, man
'Cos they're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
Who think it's their season.

I've seen a tackle by Chris Morgan when he didn't play the man
I met Phil Brown the Hull gaffer before he got a tan
I've been at a game at Ewood Park without a card on show
I've even seen Stoke City play without Delap's long throw
I've been to an England game
But never will again
And I've never met a nice Liverpudlian

No, he's never met a nice Liverpudlian
And that's not bloody surprising, man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Kirsty Gallacher
And that's because she's got tits.

Yes, she's quite a nice Liverpudlian
And she's hardly ever upset anyone
And she's not smelly at all
That's why she's started going to Fulham.

"We're all going on a European trip"

"We're all going on a European trip, a European trip" sang the Cottage in unison on Saturday.  Though a tad premature with 4 games to play, 3 of which are against teams higher placed than us, a Europa Cup spot has become a realistic target for a Fulham team maturing with every match.

We will however need to lift our game over the coming month to make the European dream come true. Today Fulham did only what they needed to do against a team who, though spirited, were lacking in class.  The Cottagers started energetically, and were clearly the better team in the first half.  However we seemed more than happy to maintain possession (depending on which report you believe, 60-68% for the game), passing the ball backwards and sidewards at every opportunity, rather than going forward.

Unfortunately the wealth of possession resulted in few attacks on the Stoke goal until 29 minutes in Nevland burst away on the break.  A good one-two with Andy Johnson and Fulham went 1-0 up - a justified early lead given the first half dominance.  Another opportunity went begging a short time later when a well worked free kick lead to Etuhu with the ball at his feet in the box and the goal beckoning.  Not surprisingly the ball missed by a mile from point blank, but it was good to see him venture forward for once! Next time though can we please have that boy Client Dempsey on the end of the play? Word on the street is that he can score with his left, he can score with his right.

At the other end, Stoke were playing mainly long balls but as has been the case all season, Hughes and Hangeland dealt with most of it comfortably. Their clinical performance up back meant that Schwarzer had quiet day at the office - and with no shots on target from Stoke he had plenty of time to work on his tan in the bright April sunshine. Stoke's much vaunted long throwing game failed to materialise, as time and time again they managed to find the head of Hangeland. In all fairness though, he is a rather large target!

The second half saw Stoke throw everything at the Cottagers, but the lack of quality up front really showed.  The away fans really got behind their team, and I have to say were easily the most vocal and loudest of the teams to make the trip to west London this season. However, it wasn't enough to inspire their team, and in the end Fulham held on for the three points they deserved.

Fulham have been lucky all season with injuries, being able to put close to our best 11 out in the majority of games. With Zamora and Johnson both off injured in the first half and Konchesky in the second, 7th spot is really hanging in the balance. Hopefully nothing too serious, as our depth isn't great and those on the bench have had little game time over the course of the season.

Another big game this week with the derby at Chelsea – if you were to offer me 3 points on the weekend or a European spot I'd have a very tough choice to make!

Fulham 1 - 0 Stoke City

I missed this game due to a wedding in the Cayman Islands, but I was very pleased to see I didn't miss out on a goal-fest. I have left my compatriots to explain what happened in the game.

COLIN:

Fulham were business like against mediocre opposition. We made few chances and seemed content to pass the ball sideways and backwards. 

Stoke's best player was their 12th man. They made a racket in the Putney end. 

Three enforced substituitions could have consequences over the next few weeks for us though.

JARROD:
Have to agree with Col's summary of the game...
Fulham did as little as possible to ensure a win, preferring possession (68%!) over territory and attacking...
Schwarzer has an easy day at the office - Stoke didn't have a shot on target all day...
The away fans were awesome - only half of the stand (and they were
sectioned off!), but made more, louder noise than the Man U fans who had the entire section in previous weeks...

What appears to have happened now, though, is that Fulham have a very real chance of finishing in seventh and qualifying for Europe. Whether that is a good thing is debatable, however two wins out of the final four games should see Woy's team going on a European holiday.

Fulham 0 -1 Liverpool

Despite being mostly outplayed for this match, the final result was absolutely gutting. True Liverpool sliced Fulham open time and time again in the first half - hitting the woodwork an impressive four times in the process - but having failed to make a breakthrough endured a tougher second half with few shots on target and it looked like the scousers would go the way of Sunderland - utterly dominant but with only one point to show from the game.
However two minutes into a preposterous four minutes injury time and Yossi Benayoun made some easy space around Paul Konchesky and dispatched the only goal, which woke up the Liverpool fans and put their team two points top of the league - a situation only possible thanks to Fulham's defeat of man United a fortnight before.
It appeared to be a different team to that performance though. Where the players all had bite in that game, few appeared to be as dynamic against Liverpool. In fact there were only 3 shots all game from the Cottagers, with only a speculative effort from Konchesky on target. A far cry from the 24 that rained in on Edwin van Der Sar.
Although Liverpool controlled the ball and the match effortlessly, they were more dangerous on the break. After a while I was hoping that Fulham wouldn't win any more corners as that was when they looked most vulnerable to conceding goals. Gerrard and Torres are an awesome counter attacking force. In fact, when married with Pepe Reina's distribution, Liverpool were at times nothing but a long ball team - but an extremely effective one. How Schwarzer stopped them scoring was a bit of a mystery. I reckon he'd covered the goals in cling film.
Still the last minute winner was a sickener, but there was a bright side - this was a team who put four past Man United and Real Madrid and five past 'big4' pretenders Aston Villa, yet they could only edge out Fulham by a solitary injury time goal. If that's not progress on last year, I don't know what is.

£285 for a Premier League season ticket

Fulham have just released the pricing for next year's season tickets and I see that my seat has gone up in price AGAIN! A whole £20. The robbing swine. That's £1 extra per match. My season ticket has gone up 18 per cent since I started watching last season. It's nothing short of scandalous!
I am of course joking. I love sitting in the Hammy End and at £18.42 per game I think I will still get a bargain next year if I renew.
However a massive surprise is that there are now £285 season tickets - that's £15 a match - available in the Riverside Stand! While being my least favourite of the stands it is still rip your hands off cheap and well worth it for any football fan stuck in London town, away from their main team.
I don't know how people can afford not to go, personally.